You're a spiritual being having a very human experience - full of ups, downs, twists, turns, and even jabs you didn't see coming. The emotional roller coaster can sometimes feel a little too extreme at certain points in our lives. Am I right?
No one wants to feel like they've disappointed their friends and family, no one wants to feel like their life is full of shame, and no one wants to feel like they are unimportant or don't matter to anyone. No one wants to feel insignificant at any point in their life - let alone throughout their life.
So why do we end up spiralling down into this pit of darkness? Afraid to take a chance on our happiness. Stuck in this state of anxiety and worry unable to place your own spiritual needs before vacuuming.
The root of the problem is so hard to see from your own perspective. Our lack of self confidence can be covered in a million different layers or disguise. I can't afford the makeup I truly want so I feel unloveable, my sister doesn't have a relationship with me, I haven't talked to my mother in years, I can't lose the weight from my last baby, and the list can go on forever.
Until one day, you decide enough is enough. You are tired of crying. You are tired of feeling stepped on and ignored. You are tired of hurting. So you take inspired action! You research a variety of mantras or affirmations and begin repeating them. You read self help books. You start filling your life with all the things that you know can completely change your life.
You even try meditation (either self guided or guided) - but still - there is this void within you. That creeps back from the darkness. Just when you think you're making progress something else bites you in the ass. Pulling you back to those old familiar feelings. Bringing the tears and the emotions bubbling back up.
Why does this always happen? Why do I feel so alone? Why can't I just move on with my life and be happy for once? The questions pour into your mind.
Let's break this down - If the root cause of your emotional discomfort was an onion and each self healing technique had the ability to peel back a single layer to that onion - it might go something like this:
You start with your onion - glorious and flaky but nicely sealed within the dry layers of itself. No tear inducing aromas here. But you still have a damn onion sitting there.
So you practice daily mantras or affirmations which peel off that flaky layer of your onion. Great! Progress! You're feeling lighter, a bit more in control, and you're ready for the next step.
You start reading a self help type book directed towards the problem you think needs addressing - peeling off that half dry, half juicy layer of onion. You know, that layer that can sometimes come off super easy, and other times makes you want to repeatedly stab the onion in frustration. Now you're getting there. The juicy layers start to show. Some emotions start to bubble up. They are uncomfortable, awkward, and make you feel some old familiar emotions that you're trying to get rid of.
So you put your onion down, right in the sun. Dry it out a bit so you can take a deep breath. Stuff those tears back in because heaven forbid you had something real to feel beyond the numb sensation.
Your life gets busy, you put some of those practices down for just a few days while you "process" what you're feeling. Those few days always end up being more than just a few days however. Deflecting those emotions back inside because that's how you were raised. It's not ok to cry, or "show weakness".
You take a deep breath and pick that onion back up again. It's dried out a little bit again, so you start reading the book from the beginning just to make sure you're focused on its content. And now you start that same cycle over again.
How many times have you started some act of self healing with the best intentions only to stop yourself as soon as it got uncomfortable? How many times have you tried to swallow your emotions so that your loved ones didn't see your "weakness"?
The ONLY way to self heal through these types of mediums is to get really freaking uncomfortable throughout the process. Keep peeling back those layers no matter how hard it feels. Keep reading that book as you cope with your busy life. Keep taking time for meditation to calm your soul. You can't heal yourself without consistent action. Even if that only means 10 minutes a day for you.
Establish your schedule. Set a routine. And for the love of all things divine, stick to it. You can't move forward if you're swinging back and forth like a pendulum. Take action. Keep taking action. Your onion will unfold for you. If you can't believe in yourself right now - I believe in you. I know you can release your pain and hurt. I believe you are full of love and compassion.
You are divine. You are worthy of love. You are beautiful. You are whole.